


Rambling, Wandering

by Subtle_Shenanigans



Series: As The Pendulum Swings, And The Grandfather Chimes [7]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alexethymia or however it's spelt, Anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, Depression mention maybe, I dunno it's like midnight and I want to dabble, I'm kind of in that sort of mood, Longing?, OCD maybe mentioned, Rambling, perpetually confused, possible panic attack???, second person point of view
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 12:21:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13123614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subtle_Shenanigans/pseuds/Subtle_Shenanigans
Summary: Almost midnight contemplative piece and WOW THIS IS A MESS.





	Rambling, Wandering

**Author's Note:**

> It's almost midnight and I feel sort of . . . Well it's not light blue buts it's closer to that than dark blue with some gray and black thrown in their? Which I think is sorrowful and/or longing? So I'm just gonna type and see where this goes.
> 
> Oh yeah. Synethesia. That's a tag I should put. Oh well.

Feelings have always been hard to come by for you. Not just in the deciphering, or recognization, but the appropriateness ( _?_ ) you guess you could say.

 

You know the basics: Happy, Sad, Mad, Angry, Content. And, in literature, can read and write and understand in a sense their more exatensive forms, like furious and melancholy and jubilant. Even in television you can pick it up in a scene from lighting and music.

 

But from others . . . well, you can sense vibes, energy, off of others, but unless you know them well, you can barely decipher negetive from positive, much less specific emotions.

 

( _Sometimes, you wonder, is a part of you broken? Is something missing that prevents you from understanding this? The glances and eyes one you at flickering moments mean nothing that_ you _can understand; nothing that you could even guess at until you're lost even further and you pull back, pull back, until they ask a **sk ask** when you don't want to be looked at spoken to touched just left alone- )_

As for yourself, you have trouble figuring out if the emotions you _think_ you feel, are ones you _actually_ feel. Because sometimes you think you're at _least_ content, but then that light-weighted yellow-green feeling lines your lower gut and you're _pretty_ sure that's anxiety because content should feel softly warm like pale, yellow sunlight warming your skin.

 

Even without the awful _uncomfortableness,_ other emotions feel easily enough, fake. Why are you happy, when nothing good is happening? Everything is just normal. Why are you angry, if not sensory overload? What reason is there to be? Why be frustrated? Their voice isn't any different from normal, and you've brushed knots out of your hair a million times. Why be sad, when everyone is laughing and having fun? You're eating foods you like.

At least the depression and anxiety are recognizable enough, as awful as you admit. 

 

But. . .you're still not sure about the deep, sorrowful feeling. Like blue winters night above a snowy hilltop and thousands of glass-crystal stars. It's deeper than light, but brighter than dark blue, and it starts in the central and radiates outwards in a shallow, water-like way. Is it longing for company? Understanding? Things to go right?

 

Or, like most of the others. Do you _really_ feel it? Or is a pointless, misunderstanding like most of your feelings.

 

You guess . . . it's not something you can really figure out.


End file.
